Tingle
Since I was a little girl I have thought and dreamed about the way my life would one day be. Like all little girls do, I dreamed about the future and all the fun adventures it would hold. I dreamed about the people in my present and how they would somehow tie in to my imagined world of the future. I fantasized about people I had yet to meet and all the things we'd do together. I dreamed about life, but I mostly dreamed about love.
With every Game of Make Believe and every simple thought of What-Might-Be, I began to create in my mind a checklist for the future. On this list was the romanticized version of what I'd seen on television. Actually, for a while my fantasy was to be just like Hope Brady on Days of Our Lives. Thankfully, I realized she'd been dead twice, kidnapped once, buried alive and had her identity stolen. That's way too much drama--even for me--so the Hope Brady dreams ceased.
Okay, back to the point. I made mental notes for years about what I wanted to have in life--notes that had nothing to do with things or possessions. I made decisions about the feelings I wanted to be able to experience. Love, hope, security, passion, etc. As with all things, time alters your view of the world, so my ideals on emotions and things I thought I needed at 13 years old are, thankfully, different than what I think I need today. At age 13 I still wanted to be famous; today I just want to tingle.
Tingling. This is one of those 13-year-old's dreams that hasn't slipped away, and I will never let go of or compromise it. I want the tingle. I love tingling. Tingle.
T-I-N-G-L-E.
While I have learned that many of my 13-year-old daydreams are unrealistic and only exist on the silver screen, I know that The Tingle is real.
I know it is real because I have felt it. I know it is real because I have experienced it. I know it is realistic, and I know that this daydream is something I'll never give up on. I want to spend every moment of my life with someone who makes me tingle all the way down to my toes. And, of course, I want to make them tingle right back.
With every Game of Make Believe and every simple thought of What-Might-Be, I began to create in my mind a checklist for the future. On this list was the romanticized version of what I'd seen on television. Actually, for a while my fantasy was to be just like Hope Brady on Days of Our Lives. Thankfully, I realized she'd been dead twice, kidnapped once, buried alive and had her identity stolen. That's way too much drama--even for me--so the Hope Brady dreams ceased.
Okay, back to the point. I made mental notes for years about what I wanted to have in life--notes that had nothing to do with things or possessions. I made decisions about the feelings I wanted to be able to experience. Love, hope, security, passion, etc. As with all things, time alters your view of the world, so my ideals on emotions and things I thought I needed at 13 years old are, thankfully, different than what I think I need today. At age 13 I still wanted to be famous; today I just want to tingle.
Tingling. This is one of those 13-year-old's dreams that hasn't slipped away, and I will never let go of or compromise it. I want the tingle. I love tingling. Tingle.
T-I-N-G-L-E.
While I have learned that many of my 13-year-old daydreams are unrealistic and only exist on the silver screen, I know that The Tingle is real.
I know it is real because I have felt it. I know it is real because I have experienced it. I know it is realistic, and I know that this daydream is something I'll never give up on. I want to spend every moment of my life with someone who makes me tingle all the way down to my toes. And, of course, I want to make them tingle right back.
posted by kassi at 11:39 AM
2 Comments:
Kassi:
I found your site through a search on Baby Jane Blogs.
I have commented before (re: TiVo - a fellow addict) but this response is somewhat more serious and personal.
Your post this week couldn't have been more appropriate for my life on this very day.
I have been dating someone new, and things are really fabulous, but pretty darn tough at the same time. I don't know if you'll understand what I mean, but he's a "project." You see...he's got a lot of baggage, more than the average person. Mommy issues, dad is terminally ill, "fear of commitment" (man, I HATE that cliche) - you name it, he's dealing with it. I am struggling with concerns of whether I can deal with the moments of pure bliss, if along with them I get some moments of total disappointment, frustration, and confusion. Because I (like you) want.deserve.need The Tingle.
Your entry is printed out and will go up on the fridge...reminding me to never settle, and remember that I'm worth it. And it is out there.
Beth
i loved your article so much. i am 13 right now and i feel that way all the time. that extreme want to just tingle. you entry really made me feel like you know the real me. it was inspiring. thank you for writing it. please check out my blog and leave some comments while your there. thank you again for reading my comment, and writing that passage. that made my day.
jamie
Post a Comment
<< Home